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        so i sit here and bare my soul  (should be sound effects with that...like talking into a hollow tube in a low voice)....normally i'm very upbeat and encouraging ...or i think i am....ya know how sometimes what we think we are is sooooo different from what people see...for example i thought i was standing up pretty straight, but hey look in one of those mirrors that show front , side, back, etc and no i am still slouching...rats....i guess all those times that my mom would poke me in the back and say stand up straight she was on to something....who knew?.....so reading psalm 31 (i'm not really a "read the psalms kind of person"....they're not quite as upbeat as i like...i'm sure God appreciates how i pick and choose my religion (sarcasm) )... and wow...that's my life in a nutshell.....have you ever felt like oh dear,  i have really made a mess of decisions that have affected so many people.....i guess really nothing "super major", but then again to those people they might feel different.....ya know how many people can you upset until they all collectively say, that's enough.............it's like riding a bike through huge mud puddles at break neck speed....boy it's really fun at the moment riding through the puddles, mud flying everywhere ....until you stop and  turn around and look at the back of your shirt and all the people you just passed.........let's just say mud is everywhere..."mud is everywhere"  (definitely sound effects with that one) .......a mess of mud
    you see my dad died in may, and so grief has caught up with me and is giving me a run for my money....and i'm not a fast runner, and i don't have alot of money....so i gather it would have caught up way sooner than later......so not to blame grief, but i sure have been trying to blame something for my seriously skewed judgement (or ssj) ....  i'm sure grief has been a big helping hand in my ssj ....and i don't just mean in clapping........
       so let's talk about this ssj problem i have ...i seem to be "sharing" my opinions a bit too freely.....making decisions i thought were informed (wait a minute.... i just had to laugh on that one)...... but maybe a bit too hasty under the circumstances...ya know this whole grief thing......maybe i should take a vow of silence...be a monk??!!...(i had to laugh again)....back to my dad
​     the funny thing about parents is you have this view of your parents as , well....your parents....they taught you, molded you, helped you, wondered why they had you... maybe they could have taken that night off, but all in all they love us..................as we age.........ooooo it's getting deep in here put your waders on........ roles shift, we become the caregivers...except for my mom who will continue to give us frozen blueberries forever (story for another post).....it's hard to understand this shift....cause it goes back and forth, one day they are your parents the next day you are the parents.....emotional tug-of-war....and i'm not that strong....really, you should see my arms.........near the end with my dad...he became fragile to me.... a little boy....i wondered what he thought, how he felt....it's like you are whatever age you are but we don't seem to think we are the age we are, we are a younger version in our head.....even though my dad was older than me...obviously...he seemed to me to be so young and how could anyone hurt this little boy...how could anyone make him cry.......and then i realized, well... i did.....
      so my mom and numerous friends have told me that one way to deal with grief is to write letters......well i am the queen of writing letters....and i'm really surprised that my mom thought this was a good idea for me .......they did add the "these are not for anyone's eyes but yourself"  and "destroy them when you are done".........
       you see i used to write letters to my nanny...we lived in different states....me crazy and her slightly irrational......the first and only scandalous letter (well scandalous for a 6 year old) i wrote to my nanny,  had my aunt and uncle trying to revive my slightly incoherent nanny who was mumbling something about calling the police or fbi and needing to extract me from the awful home life i was in while my aunt was on the phone with my mom...(and let me tell you, when my mom got off the phone i believe she smacked my dad first, for the loving that went on to conceive "the fabulous middle child"...and then all kind of went blank for me)  ....i guess the references to daily beatings, torture from the evil older sister, scrubbing toliets with toothbrushes and of course needing to run away this very minute, might have been over the top, and from then on my mail was censored....... alcatraz couldn't have been more thorough in censoring my mail....my letters were more redacted than all political scandals put together......so this is what one of my redacted letters would look like...they started with "dear nanny"....there might have been an "and" or a "the"  in the letter....that was only if "the wardens" were feeling generous.... and then it was  "love bobbi"......my nanny is still waiting for my high school graduation announcement
          so the thrill of grief....well that's an oxymoron....is not so much an emotional response as it is a life lesson for me....ok that's a lie my new name should be "hi, i'm bobbi cries-a-lot".....the new care bear....get em quick, they're selling like hot cakes..(more sarcasm)......but a huge life lesson is don't make any major decisions when grief is encircling you like a crazy disturbed  merry-go-round.......and when your mind is in ssj mode and your'e freely sharing your opinions with others, just cause, you might wanna try the monk mode instead..... i should probably wrap this up cause now i'm just rambling.................................and .................................the.................................................................love bobbi

          good morning campers! back again and still working on this pricing thing....I guess I have to do a little more research..ha ha alot!!! of research on how to price things.....and pricing things becomes a catch 22, cause on one hand you want people to be able to afford your artwork and on the other hand people value something that's not dirt cheap....so for instance, say there are 2 paintings.."there are 2 paintings"...ha ha...I crack myself up...anyway...the paintings both have a similar medium and similar subject matter, one is priced at $250.   and the other is priced at $780.....(random prices).....so when people look at these paintings they say " hey, this one that costs $780.  must be worth more this other similar thing which is priced  at $250  cause it costs more..hence.. it must be better" ...by the way...hence is such a weird word...I wonder if someone was just sitting around  back in the day, and said "hey let's make up a word that rhymes with fence and means therefore"....okay back to the momentous story problem (sound effects with momentous story problem....also did you know that mon-u-men-tous is spelled momentous....I had to look that one up....I guess I've been saying it wrong all these years....but I do think the way I say it sounds more massive than the way it's really spelled)
        anyway.........so the problem is how to price so people put value in your work, but also (ya know my fingers sometimes get ahead of my brain, not real hard, and words i'm typing come out backwards... alot........for instance the word " also" comes out as laso...or in my case lasso, then I'm thinking "was I talking about cowboys and horses? and then I'm thinking "horses are so great".....and then I'm thinking "I remember walking down the road when I was in middle school and coming over a hill I heard this crazy sound, which I automatically thought, there is an elephant coming over the hill"....sure sounded like it....mind you ohio is not africa or india.....so of course you would come to the assumption that an elephant is coming over the hill....a surge of terror kinda gripped me for a minute....I mean what do you do if an elephant is coming toward you....run away? climb a tree? play dead? wave a red cape at it.....well I didn't have a red cape and I believe that's to anger bulls, soooo that one was out....so while I was pondering...well not pondering but racing around with my crazy thoughts, my neighbor and her horse came over the hill.....................I'm telling ya , the world I live in is way crazier than people see......where was I?)   
       oh yeah...also not bleed people dry....ick...well that's a gross description......how bout I don't want to take all the money someone has just so I can sell a painting....ok the other one was more to the point....ha ha point, bleed, still gross..............yeah I know I'm dragging my feet........ok back to my research......maybe I'll have an answer next week?