good morning campers....hope all is well with you and your virtual selves.....life has become very topsy turvey here........topsy turvey, that's a great word....needs to be said more...."topsy turvey" ....my spell check is having a field day at the moment....so my streamlining hasn't been going well, because, well, i am easily distracted.........who knew??....surely not me!....what?!.....it seems, well it's not that it seems, it's more like it is, that i've been focused on everything but my painting....feeling alittle discouraged, but it's really my own fault...because, see, why be discouraged when you can be encouraged!!!......"go team go"......"you've got this"......"just one more turn".....that's what i kept hearing when i ran my first and only (at the moment) marathon......but really it was more like 100 more turns.......but it did keep me going.......my brain is easily tricked.............but back to being distracted..... i go back and forth with, "well is this really what i want ?" (talking about painting).....and "yeah it is...i'm pretty sure"......ah ha!...there's the problem....me and my doubting mind........but then what am i doubting.....my ability?......possibly, cause i believe we all doubt ourselves at one time or another.....well not the evil older sister.....she definitely is not a doubter....she's a doer...and a "get out of my wayer, i'm on a roll"....... and a "oh i'm sorry, not, that i stepped on your prone body while i'm trying to make a sandwich".........how many times today have you said "prone?".....kind of an odd word...."well that was prone to happen" ....or " since i believe that dust actually protects the surfaces of things i was prone to get dust caterpillars"....more like dust llamas......and i wonder why the kids sneeze when they come in the house?!....hmmmmm
i'm trying to write this before the bread rises and i have to knead the dough......11 min......no problem.......... anyway so this doubting thing i have going on really must stop..........you see i can make a decision and doubt if i made the right decision about what i just decided because after i make a decision then i weigh the pros and cons of the decision i could have made instead which never weigh out the same......and then l feel guilty over making that decision, but it wouldn't matter if i made the other decision because i would have done the same thing.....it's a no win -no win situation here......guilt and doubt are siblings by the way....i start doubting what decision to make and then when i make the decision along comes doubts sibling to the party and wham serious guilt over the decision......which brings me back to doubt.......i can say that i have gotten better with the guilt.....i think.....at least i don't apologize when it's raining anymore........the power i think i have is incredible........so instead of feeling guilty and doubtful, i'm trying to actually learn something from all my choices i make.....people say "weigh the pros and cons before you make a decision"....yeah i have done that too, but it still drives me right back to the doubt and guilt house.....good times.....it's probably something the evil older sister did to me years ago....probably a recording she played while i was sleeping that instilled this guilt doubt family in my brain........ ........ya know i been trying to really get God's opinion before doing stuff..... maybe i won't doubt/guilt myself so much....right.......but i keep forgetting to check in.....God does alot of those v8 slaps to the head concerning me.... i've got a minute....be right back.....and you can be left front.....ha ha ha so the minute turned into a couple of days .... and a weekend at the beach.....my happy place.......and the bread turned out fantastic and delicious!...yeah!!!........ but back to my doubting guilt filled existence......it's not really that bad..... 1st, i forget quickly what i'm feeling guilty about and 2nd ....what was i talking about?..... i think that's my saving grace......"what is?"...... and why i live....."i can streamline"........ a....."butterfly".........totally........."shiny object" .......distracted........"was that the right decision?"........topsy turvey........"i believe i will now say that guilt and doubt are happiness and sunshine and every decision i make is done, right or wrong"........."maybe?"........ life.............."my new life credo-que ser ra ser ra"......."it was prone to happen".......be groovy!
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bobbi plentovichim bobbi from bobbis murals...muralist, artist, creative mess. writing a blog about the journey of a muralist/ artist and her quest for a place in the confetti coloured art world Archives
April 2021
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