good morning campers......so i just had a revelation.....crazy...right?...but so i don't know who knows this but i am sort of a control freak....ok well not sort of, but pretty much am......i try to let go of the control....and i think i am letting go of the control.....when i realize that i am still firmly attached to whatever i am trying to let go of....it's not pretty......my big issue has been for awhile...what does God want me to do?.....so i ask Him....all the time.....and it goes like this....
this is me," hey God...how are things?....groovy....ok so could you tell me what you want me to do with my life?"..... God answers, " ok, so for sta..."......... me again, " i mean God, what is my purpose?"....... God again, "well what i wa..."....... me again, " so i mean could you send a fax or something cause i'm really hard headed"........ God again, "well if you le.."..... me again, "i guess you know i'm hard headed, you made me".... God again, "my tho.."...... me again, "i'm having a hard time hearing what you want me to do"........ God again, "......."........ me again, "i really don't understand, i'm really trying to understand and hear you but i can't seem to get it" God again, "....." me again, "could ya just make it real obvious where i need to focus my attention" God again, "you really opened that do...." me again, ..................... well this could go on for a long time, switching between God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit.....they kind of tag team....i know God has unlimited patience, but even i can't take me sometimes......so my big revelation is not really a revelation but more of a revealing of the obvious, which has been right in front of me all this time.......but yeah, gotta let this control thing off the hook.....stop planning so much......right.... it's like an addiction.....hi, i'm bobbi, and i'm a control addict..........so how do you let go of control?......interesting question.........first i guess is what controls you?..........a habit, a thought, an action, control itself.......can control really control what i am trying not to control?......boy the word control looks really weird right now...........i'm sure i get it naturally from my mom........cause my dad was the opposite of a control freak.........i have passed it on nicely to some of my kids.......and passing it on would be nice if it meant i gave it away completely and i didn't have it anymore....but it seems to multiple all by itself....as in..."but wait there's more!" like, i tend to hang on to things that are memorable to me.....and i swear the stuff in the attic keeps multipying..........i have tons of bins in the attic that have every drawing all the kids have done at one time or another.........even when they wrote their name, made a pasta drawing (yeah those are in really bad shape now), really anything they created i have saved......so i had my oldest daughter go through some of the bins with me to see what she would want.....because of course, i saved them for her to enjoy later.......so i pull down 3 or 4 bins....my daughter is sitting beside me, i am pulling stuff out and going down memory lane...."oh remember when you drew this?....remember when you made me that?....here are your worksheets from 1st grade".....meanwhile, my daughter is just throwing away everything in the trash can behind her as i hand them to her.....i'm so focused on all the stuff i didn't see what she was doing.....revelation again- me being so focused on the stuff i miss the actual life............ok back to my thoughts.....when i realize what she is doing i'm like "what are you doing?".....as i'm digging through the trash to get the stuff back out to put back in bins......."you can't through this stuff away??!!...it's important stuff ...it's your stuff!"......and she throws the bin in the trash can and says i need to get help....help as in clearing out the house attic and in clearing out my attic........very funny...how droll.....obviously she doesn't want the stuff....these mementos i have collected for years are not as treasured to her as they are to me.......who is this daughter i raised???......the funny thing is all of my kids are not memory keepers, or stuff collectors, like i am....they are all basically matter of fact, let's enjoy it for awhile and then recycle it.......i mean a couple might be more apt to keep something for a bit, but in general, not so much....the youngest is brutal with not saving things....very similar to the evil older sister whos mantra is "if you haven't used it in an hour, out it goes"........it's heart breaking....and also very liberating i guess....cause i can finally let go of some stuff......ok not all of it ....4 bins came down and 3 went back up.........baby steps....... but if i can let go of 1 bin of stuff....ok so i did try to stuff all the stuff ....ha ha very funny....stuff the stuff......from the 4th bin into the other 3.....but some things got thrown away........a couple papers.........but if i am able to get rid of a couple papers....then the world is my oyster.......what does that really mean?........but anything is possible....including letting control take control of the control i keep taking control of.........what?!...... so basically i don't need to understand my underlying need to undertake control and underestimate Gods ability to get control under control......that's alot of unders.....which is understandably overkill.....ha ha....... let go and let God......be groovy!
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bobbi plentovichim bobbi from bobbis murals...muralist, artist, creative mess. writing a blog about the journey of a muralist/ artist and her quest for a place in the confetti coloured art world Archives
April 2021
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